Just As I Am: The Troubled and Triumphant Life of Charlotte Elliott

Charlotte Elliott

​ As a child, I thought that Just As I Am was a song that was meant to be sung during the altar call at the end of a church service. The congregation would often sing several verses of the hymn until someone came down the aisle to pray for salvation. I recall one particular time when all the printed verses had been sung and there had still been no response. The pastor then asked us to hum the tune “just one more time.” Even then, no one came.

I began to have a growing distaste for that hymn because I saw that it was essentially serving to set an emotional tone. I don’t raise this issue to impugn the motives of anyone but to polish the reputation of a tarnished treasure. I believe that a special gift to the church has fallen out of use because of ill use. When this hymn was written, it is doubtful that the author even knew what an altar call was (the concept was less than thirty years old); besides, it was written as a hymn of Christian testimony, not a call to unbelievers. 

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Plaque erected in 1984 by Greater London Council at Holy Trinity Church, Clapham Common, London

There was in early 19th century England a group known as the Clapham Sect. The name derived from the parish of Clapham, then on the southwestern outskirts of London but today a part of that metropolis. The sect was not a secret society but a large circle of friends who shared common church commitments and desires for society. These friends were evangelicals who were committed to the Church of England and had been “founded” by Henry Venn, a minister in that church. Some of the better known members of the Clapham group were Hannah More and William Wilberforce, and the crowning achievement of the group was the 1833 abolition of slavery in England.
 
In 1789, Charlotte Elliott was born to Charles and Eling Elliott. Charles was among the upper classes of England, and Eling was the daughter of Henry Venn. Charlotte was born into an active evangelical family, but that gave her no intrinsic acceptance with God. The Bible is clear that each person must come to Christ as an individual. Salvation is one of a few things that cannot be passed down genetically. 
 
Details are lacking on her early life, but her sister recorded that she was more or less an invalid from youth. In spite of this, Charlotte was gifted in the arts and music. She had a talent for drawing, a love and gift for poetry, and skill in music that was limited only by her health—in youth “her voice blended sweetly with the family choir.” Her health ebbed and flowed. Most winters were long, uncomfortable ordeals lived in seclusion. Summers seemed to bring better health and the ability to travel. But much of her life was spent away from others, too weak and uncomfortable to participate in the swirl of activity in a larger home.
 
Although her health was never good (no documents indicate what ailed her), it took a turn for the worse as she neared 30. Prior to that time she had been able to mingle in society. She had devoured all the latest writings and had had the chance to meet “some of the most brilliant wits and writers of the day.” But her sister Eleanor observed that God, in his kindness, allowed Charlotte’s health to deteriorate. Many of these prominent writers were either completely devoid of religion or actively hostile to it, and  Charlotte’s weakened health forced her to withdraw from the company of these unbelievers. At first, this was a blow to her happiness—she had found some measure of contentment and purpose in the time she had spent with them.
 
The next months proved to be a season of seclusion and depression. In poor health and alone, she had time on her hands and her mind began to reflect on her situation. The more she thought about herself, the more she sensed the guilt of her sins. But the more clearly she saw her guilt, the more she despaired. She had reached a place where—through unhelpful influences—she had become convinced that someone like herself could never be saved.

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Cesar Malan

As God had afflicted her, so he now sent relief. On May 9, 1822 she was introduced to Cesar Malan, a Genevan pastor who was visiting her father. Malan met with Charlotte and her sister Eleanor and tried to convince them of the love and grace of God. At first, Charlotte was irritated with his questions. But her initial response to Malan caused later regret. She returned to apologize and seek his counsel. Before his visit was over, it appears that both sisters had found peace with God. For the next 40 years Charlotte and Malan would correspond, always making sure to write to each other on May 9. His friendship was one of the greatest joys of her life.
 
This change in Charlotte was the pivotal moment of her life. She followed Malan’s suggestion to temporarily avoid her usual reading list and concentrate solely on the Bible. This act of self-denial paid uncountable dividends as her exclusive reading of the Bible unearthed wonders and delights that she would have missed through superficial reading. Eleanor wrote that from that time on, Charlotte’s “spiritual horizon became mostly cloudless.” For the rest of her life, her poor health would at times cloud her joy, but her general disposition was optimistic and hopeful.
 
One of those cloudy times came in 1834. By then the family had moved from Clapham to Brighton, a city on the southern coast of England. Her brother, the  pastor of St. Mary’s, had the desire to create an affordable school for the daughters of the clergy. To raise funds for the proposed school, a bazaar was held. The night before the bazaar, the house was busy with activity. Everyone was in motion—everyone except Charlotte. All her desires to be involved and be useful could not overcome her physical challenges. She sat alone and watched. As she considered her apparent uselessness, she grew despondent. Her thoughts transitioned from the sorrow of her physical uselessness to doubts over her spiritual condition. Was everything just an emotional illusion?
 
At the height of her despair, God spoke a calming word to her stormy heart. She realized she needed to fight doubt with truth, so she picked up her pen. Putting her gifts to use, she preached the gospel to herself in a poem. Regardless of how she felt, she would trust in the things she knew. Her only plea before the judgment of God was that the Savior had died for her and was calling for her to come to him. And she committed to come. Her mind was filled with conflicts and doubts, but Jesus said to come. So she committed to come. She was poor, wretched, and blind—she needed healing of her mind. And she came. She knew that coming to Christ was not something that happened only at the start of the new life. The Christian life is a continual coming to Christ—a daily return to the truth of the gospel. Her salvation was not assured simply because she had made a good choice 12 years before. It was assured because Christ is a living Savior who gives spiritual life day by day.
 
Putting these truths down in seven stanzas of verse pulled Charlotte out of her hopelessness. She was still physically limited, but she knew that her spiritual life was real. And this reminded her that there was more to her existence than the trials of this life. Her final verse spoke of proving God’s love “here, for a season, then above.” She had finished writing by the time her sister-in-law Julia came to give news of the bazaar and to see how Charlotte was faring. After reading her latest composition, Julia asked to make a copy, and in this way it first made it out of Charlotte’s room.

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In the following years, Charlotte would take over the editorship of several Christian works. A young friend, Harriet Kiernan, had begun the Christian Remembrance Pocket-Book as well as The Invalid’s Hymnbook. As Harriet was dying of tuberculosis, she asked Charlotte to take over these projects. For the next quarter century Charlotte would contribute many of her own poems and writings to these works. It was in the 1836 Invalid’s Hymnbook that "Just As I Am" was first published.
  
In spite of her poor health, Charlotte outlived most of her siblings and died at the age of 82. Near the end of his life her brother said that he had preached many sermons and labored among many people, but was certain that this hymn written in one of the darkest moments of Charlotte’s life had done more good for the kingdom than all of his combined labors. 

God brought Charlotte through deep waters, but we are certain that she is now alive in his presence, and that she would agree that her 82 years of trials were truly “momentary afflictions” that produced in her an “exceeding weight of glory.” Have you experienced trials similar to Charlotte? Do you realize that God might well be doing something in your life that will bless those around you and bring you greater joy in the end? Do you have doubts about his goodness or his willingness to forgive your sin? Whether you have never thought of these things before or whether you came to Jesus many years ago, come to him now just as you are. He will welcome, pardon, cleanse, and relieve.


Written by Nathan Birx

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